___________________________
From the start I was a little off my game. For the first couple of days at work this past week I was tired, lethargic, struggling to get invested, and downing my occupational lot in life. Inner monologue: "At 28 years old I have a job (not career) that is keeping me perpetually single with a failure to launch (professionally)."
I've found an identity here. St. George, UT where I see people around town with whom I am acquainted. At Second Nature, I know what I do and I do it well. I am comfortable. Comfort is a relative term I use to communicate that things are familiar. I have a routine, friends, and pursuits. I'm content. At least when I consider the present.
The future. Achieving my potential. Family? (Do I sound like a 20-something, yet?) I compare myself to others with specified skill sets. Direction. They seem further along. Like they had more opportunity, or knew themselves well enough to make opportunities for themselves.
Diatribe.
I've trusted God to call me along my path thus far. I don't know that it'd be such a bad thing to wait Him out on what would be best for me next. The challenge, the faith, is in the waiting. I've persevered though times of burnout and struggle with life's position--and it's taught me loyalty. Everyone has their tough times and me, seemingly, least of all. But it works out for whoever actually deals with them. If one does not, they end up in my group at work. :)
So the week progressed. I had some great moments and an overall effect on my clients and my staff. I let go of comparing myself to friends starting careers. I recognised that those going to grad school are going to grad school, and I am not. Let it be.
Let a Joy kill me,
I'm staying away from the little deaths.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer writes a book entitled The Invitation. In it he writes:
"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing."
I've been limiting myself and could start living up to my name a little more. Take some risks. Try to start a Pedi-cab service in Springdale, UT. Own and operate a B&B. Stick around, settle down. Sacrifice. King David said 'delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.' So, love God and do what I want.
Got to know what I want.
Romance is the same way. It's a risk. It's welcomed sacrifice for a greater-than-worthwhile purpose. And it's stepping outside of my perceived limitations. Not stopping the race before I even start.
Two weeks ago, I planted Shasta Daisies, Blue Buttons, and wildflowers. Some that I starting germinating are already sprouting. Most of them won't come up. But I tried what was in my power. Made arrangements to fit their nurturing into my lifestyle. A lesson from the flowers.
With risk comes consequence though. And flowers, like occasional friendships, are of low ramification. Business dealings--still short of intimate relationships--are intimidating and averting.
A couple of my clients did good work, hard work. They said the hard thing and their moms loved them all the more for it. One of my co-staff made the comment: "I can't believe so many families go through life without putting it all out on the table." Indeed, Alec. Neither can I. But I can relate, because I hold back. I don't take the step, or leap, of faith.
I may change my blog name to 'In A Word', because if you're able to follow through my ramblings, I fear you are counted among a very few to follow the train of thought. Thus, a word. One word. I will try my darnedest to make a summation of the blog in one word.
In A Word: Neurotic.
_____________________________________________________________
New photos have been posted this week in the following albums:
No comments:
Post a Comment